A New QB?
by Rendia
Summary: A new student joins Laaaaawndale High. Chaos ensues.


[Scene: Daria and Jane are standing at Daria's locker in the hall. Only one or two other students are in the hall.]

****

Jane: Wow, not bad. Even you don't usually make him cry that fast.

****

Daria: What can I say? O'Neill was getting on my nerves.

[Unfamiliar student comes walking down the hallway. He is wearing a black, short-sleeved T-shirt over a long-sleeved gray shirt, beat-up baggy jeans, and black boots. He has multiple piercings in his left ear and one in his eyebrow. His hair is spiked in every direction, about 4 inches long, and he has a spiked dog collar around his neck.] 

****

Jane: Hmm. I'm sensing a fashion emergency. Good. Let's watch.

****

Daria: Now Jane, shouldn't we warn him? [Pause] Nah.

****

Jane: I guess it doesn't matter, here he comes. [As the new student approaches]

****

Student: Hi, can you girls help me out a bit? I need to find my class. It's Room 13 with DeMartino. 

****

Jane: You're in luck. If you want to call it that. That's our next class. You can follow us, but it doesn't start for another 15 minutes. Our teacher got a little, shall we say, distraught and let us out early. I'm Jane and this is Daria. [Daria blushes]. 

****

Student: Great, you can call me QB.

****

Jane: QB? Are you serious? This is going to be more fun than I thought.

****

QB: What? Why?

****

Jane: You'll see. So what does QB stand for?

****

QB: If I wanted every one to know my name, I wouldn't be going by QB, now would I?

****

Daria: You know, that means his name is going to be very fun. [Still blushing]

****

Jane: [Notices Daria blushing] Darn, I guess no more fun with Trent. Oh well, there is so much more opportunity here. [Evil grin]

****

Daria: Kill you [blush deepens].

****

QB: I'm missing something good here aren't I?

****

Jane: Oh yeah.

****

QB: So why did your last teacher let class out early?

****

Daria: Like Jane said, he became a little distraught. [Mona Lisa smile] I don't suppose your class during this time slot would be with O'Neill would it? 

****

QB: Yeah, if I'd been here in time. Why?

****

Jane: Oh this will be fun. It'll require some planning. We'll need three black trench coats and some body paint.

****

Daria: We don't even need that stuff. If we just walk in together O'Neill is going to cry. 

****

Jane: But we can take this so much farther.

[Scene fades]

[15 minutes later. Fade in on Daria, Jane and QB walking into DeMartino's class just as the bell rings].

****

DeMartino: Good _morn_ing class. It seems we have a new _stu_dent. I ass_ume_ that you are Quin-

****

QB: [Cuts DeMartino off] yeah, um, just call me QB.

****

Kevin: But _I'm_ the QB!

****

QB: [As if talking to a very small child]. No, I'm sorry, I'm not _the_ QB, I'm just QB. It's my name.

****

Kevin: [Oblivious] But _I'm_ the QB!

****

Brittany: Yeah, and you don't look like a QB. 

****

QB: [Leans over and whispers] That's because I'm in disguise. I'm trying to find out what the uncool people are planning against you. It doesn't look good.

****

Kevin: Oh. Cool [pause] Wait a second [Thinks] Ow! Too much thinking!

****

Daria: [Under her breath] As if that were possible for you. [Out loud] Kevin, you're missing the football game, didn't anyone tell you about it?

****

Kevin: Oh no, not again! Come on, Babe, let's go! Good thing we have our uniforms on! [He and Brittany run out]

****

DeMartino: Daria, I'd app_rec_iate it if you didn't make any _more_ of my _stu_dents disap_pear_ again today. [Looks around class and remembers who his students are]. Oh what's the use? [Pause] Let's get started. Can _any_one _tell_ me how World War I was _start_ed? _Sandi_?

****

Sandi: Like, maybe they ran out of cool _clothes_ or something.

****

DeMartino: _No!_ QB?

****

QB: Gee, I think that was when George Washington wrote the Emancipation Proclamation and set sail for the New World. Right?

****

DeMartino: AAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! OUT! GET OUT, ALL OF YOU! GO HOME! STUDY! GROW SOME BRAINS! READ!

****

Jane: [As everyone leaves] That went well. 

****

Daria: In case you're interested, World War I really started when-

****

QB: When the prince of Austria was assassinated. I know, I just wanted to play with him. And I don't want to ruin my rep just yet. 

****

Jane: Nice.

****

Daria: So why tell us?

****

QB: I guess I just didn't think you'd give a hoot.

****

Jane: Then why can't you tell us your name?

****

QB: You'll laugh.

****

Jane: Probably.

****

QB: See? Now that's just so encouraging.

****

Jane: [Grabs Daria's face] Oh, come on, look at this face. Doesn't she just _need_ a good laugh?

****

Daria: Kill you. [To QB] Now tell me, I've earned it. 

****

QB: [Sighs] Fine. It's Quincy Byron III.

****

Jane: Quincy?! The third?

****

Daria: No wonder you prefer QB. Wonder how long that lasts…

****

Jane: It'll probably give a little before his will to live goes.

****

Daria: Cool. We can watch.

****

QB: You girls are so weird. Anyway, what about you, you've been here a lot longer than me, I'm sure, and "Daria" is a pretty unusual name.

****

Daria: We survive by watching the newbies wither. And "Daria" isn't QB.

****

Jane: Or tormenting teachers. Why, just this morning, our little Daria here made O'Neill cry in less than 10 minutes. 

****

Daria: Call me little again and I'll make _you_ cry in less than 10 _seconds_.

****

QB: So… Tell me about this O'Neill character.

****

Daria: He's a hypersensitive optimist who's always on the lookout for warm bodies with low self-esteem (or a brain, it's almost the same thing at this school) to populate his self-esteem class. 

****

QB: Great, not another one.

****

Jane: Well, I'll get you out of the class if you'll wear a black trench coat tomorrow.

****

QB: Whatever.

****

Daria: It might be more effective if we all wear trench coats. 

****

QB: Whatever.

****

Jane: You don't talk a lot, do you? Anyway, back to our evil scheme. Anyone for some body art?

****

Daria: Careful, don't overdo it. It's easy to scare O'Neill. We're trying to do it with style.

****

Jane: Oh, come one, I didn't even ask him to dye his hair blue.

****

QB: Ooh, I've wanted to do that for a while…

[Jane's eyes glow as an evil grin spreads across her face. Scene fades]

***Commercial Break***

[Jane is seen holding an oatmeal box.]

****

Jane: Oatmeal is good for you,  
Oh it's not just goo!  
It's a meal in a box,  
That makes you strong as an ox!

It's FIBERLICIOUS! So eat your oatmeal every day. And remember: with oatmeal, you may never be normal (I know I won't be), but you'll always be regular!

***Back to the show***

Well, maybe not back to the show today. I'm not sure if this is any good, so if you want more, you're going to have to tell me. Funny, I hate it when authors do this to me. Actually, it's just not finished yet and I want some feedback. This is my first fanfic, so please be considerate, i.e. constructive criticism only.


End file.
